Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, the Mock Turtle replied, and then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision.
~Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland~
This and the next few posts are about people whom I have met over the years. I thought you might like to meet them too.
Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, the Mock Turtle replied, and then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision.
~Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland~
Most of what is written about AD/HD is from the point of view of professionals, teachers, or parents. Little is written from the child’s perspective. Many children are befuddled by AD/HD, or embarrassed to talk about it.
Haley is an articulate ten year old girl who was diagnosed with AD/HD in first grade. Her father is in treatment for cancer. Her parents are divorced. She lives with her father and half brother. She has visitation with her mother who is remarried and has a new baby.
Haley realized there was something different about her in kindergarten or first grade. She knew something was wrong but did not know what. She later learned it was called AD/HD. She sees her parents as both having AD/HD as well as her grandparents and thinks it can be genetic for some people. Parents probably give it to their kids.
Haley has been on medication since her AD/HD was discovered. “First I was on Ritalin. Then I tried Concerta but it didn’t help. Now I am back on Ritalin twice a day.” She does not think her condition will ever go away and does not really care if it does since she is not bothered by it and has learned to live with it.
She finds that sometimes AD/HD helps her. “I started doodling in class and found out I wanted to be an artist. AD/HD gives me a sense of creativity.” She took time out from the interview to show me some of the drawings she had finished or was working on. Despite having come to terms with her condition, she is sometimes angry about it. “It makes me mad at people and makes me blame them. I don’t know how this happens.”
On occasion she gets hyper during lunch. “Sometimes I act really goofy. Last week I was squawking like a chicken.” Her friends have asked her why she is so hyper. She finally decided to tell them why. She explained what she knew about AD/HD to her friends and felt they understood her.
Haley finds that she has some trouble keeping friends. “I have mood swings and then get in fights with my friends.” She also sometimes gets mouthy with her friends. They yell at her when she does this. Three girls on the bus still tease her about being weird, hyperactive and crazy. “A lot of kids in school make fun of me for playing with things in class.”
She thinks her AD/HD makes school boring for her. “As far as subjects, math, gym and health are okay. Science and social studies are good, especially when we do hands on activities. Sometimes school is boring though.” She likes micro-school where everyone has a job during the last half hour of the school day. “There is a post office, bank, restaurant and court. I work in micro media production as an artist and make signs for people.”
She also has trouble doing her homework. “I lie and say I don’t have any homework so I can spend more time with my father. I usually don’t do homework because it’s boring. When I don’t do my homework, I get in trouble and am grounded or have to stay after school.”
Haley does not feel she gets enough time to spend with her father. She would also like to have more time with her mother who has a new baby. She had not thought of talking with her father about having more time together, but decides to try it.
“Sometimes I tell my father or mother I hate them or don’t like them any more. I don’t really mean it but sometimes I just blurt it out.” She would also like to see her grandparents more than she does. She takes a second pill when she goes to visit them. She thinks they spoil her. She does not think AD/HD makes any difference to them and does not think her visits with them would be any different if she did not have it.
Haley does not talk much with other kids who have AD/HD. She knows there are others in her school but does not know who they are. She was in a group for kids whose parents were divorced and remembers there being a couple kids with AD/HD in the group. “I would like to be in a group where everybody had AD/HD because they would understand what it is like for me.”
She finds it easier to concentrate if what she is doing is fun or if she can work with her hands. She finds it hard to concentrate when her AD/HD is bothering her, when she thinks about her father being sick, or when TV is on.
Haley’s is one voice of children with AD/HD. Her circumstances are unique to her and her perspective cannot be generalized to all children with AD/HD. Nevertheless, her story is a reminder that all children have their own understanding of their condition and reactions to it. Knowing your child’s perspective on AD/HD and his or her concerns can be helpful in knowing how to be supportive.
Action Steps
- Are you always able to stay focused?
- What if you could hardly ever stay on task?
- What if you handle every situation with a “Ready, Fire, Aim
mentality? - Don’t assume everyone has the same coping skills.
- Try to understand others from how life looks to them.