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Our Anger Says More about Us Than about Others

The ones who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone
what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.

~Horace~

We have looked at a number of statements about anger by the Abbot and monk, John Eudes Bambauer. His final observation is, “Anger often reveals how you feel and think about yourself.” We have considered where anger comes from, whether it is justified and some options we have for dealing with it. Up to now we have thought about anger as being a response to something that happens to us.

Father John Eudes suggests in his last statement on the subject that we may learn more about ourselves from considering our anger than about the objects of our anger. Some people are chronically angry. No matter what the situation, they seem to find something annoying about it deserving of their anger. We may recall times when we were in a bad mood, tired or frustrated, and it took very little to annoy us.

Becoming angry gives us a chance to understand ourselves a little better. What is there about us that inclines us to become angry? After all, we could also see the humor in difficult situations or take them in stride. We could reach conclusions which on reflection appear bizarre. We don’t deserve to be treated the way we are. God is being unfair by piling so much trouble on us at once. People should know better than to annoy us when we have a great deal on our minds.

We could stop to examine our thoughts as we are invited to do by Father John Eudes. Have you ever told yourself one of things in the above paragraph? Are any of them true? Is it up to us to decide how we deserve to be treated? Do we have the right to decide what is fair for God to do? Who are we to decide what others should know?

When we get angry, we might not just be reacting to the present situation. We may have leftover feelings from childhood inclining us to expect to be treated poorly. Maybe we jump to the same conclusion in the present. Were we spoiled earlier in life and now expect everyone to anticipate and kowtow to our wants and needs? Do we have high standards for ourselves and expect others to live up to our code of conduct, becoming angry when they don’t.

All of these considerations of anger were made by a contemplative monk who has had many hours to think about the meaning of his life, God’s will for us and the implications of our response to His will. Most of us do not have regular times for contemplation built into our daily schedule. However there is no reason we can’t put aside time to consider the meaning of our lives. Doing so may help put our lives and our experiences into context so we can see the larger picture. From this perspective, our anger loses its bite and our feelings become less important in the larger context of creation.

If you are interested in more of the thoughts of Father Bambauer, they are discussed in some detail by Henri J. Nouwen in his book, The Genesee Diary.

Action Steps

  • If you feel angry, who do you blame for it?
  • Do you take responsibility for your feeling?
  • Do you blame someone else?
  • Think about what leads to your anger.
  • What can you do to reduce your anger regardless of others’ actions?

Selection from my book, Navigating Life: Commonsense Reflections for the Voyage, available at Amazon