Man is never alone. Acknowledged or unacknowledged,
that which dreams through him is always there to support him from within.
~Laurence van der Post~
Once I watched a segment on Oprah called High School Challenge. A group of high school students spent the day getting to know themselves and others by finishing the sentence, “If you really knew me…” Predictably, they started with superficial statements revealing only the obvious. As the day progressed, they began to reveal more personal concerns and eventually got to the secrets which deeply troubled them.
I think most of us are not very different from high school students at least in this exercise. It is not easy for us to reveal our secret fears and insecurities. We might look for ways to hide from being noticed, remaining wallflowers at the dance of life. We might be aggressive as a way to conceal our insecurities, in the manner of bullies. We might choose the path of those who tease others, focusing on their shortcomings so that ours are not so apparent.
How would we finish the statement, “If you really knew me…?” How honest would we be? We would probably start with safe statements, revealing little about ourselves. As we feel safer, we might start sharing more personal information and eventually get to the concerns with deeply trouble us.
We might admit that we never felt loved, at least not as much as others in our family. We might admit our embarrassment at what makes us different from others: our skin color, our physical appearance, or our physical, mental and emotional shortcomings. We might admit feeling that we have not accomplished as much as we would like and probably never will. We might express feeling disappointed by not becoming what others expect of us.
Voicing these concerns might be a revelation to us as well as to others. We often hide these issues from ourselves so we don’t have to face them. We try to ignore them or pretend they don’t exist. Even if we can’t see them clearly, we still trip over them when we least expect it. We all have fears and insecurities buried deep within us. We can develop a shell for protection as some animals do, or develop weapons such as claws, quills or poisons to keep others at bay. None of these approaches will make us feel any better about ourselves. They are just tools we use to keep from being hurt. In the long run they keep us isolated from others.
What if we could find a way to be open with others about our insecurities and make it safe for them to share theirs with us? Maybe it would be a way for us to contribute to a less hostile world. Maybe it would be easier for us to live in peace with each other.
Action Steps
- Make a list of what troubles you.
- Make further lists until you have some deep feelings about what you write.
- Take the risk of sharing your list with someone you trust.
- Make it safe for someone to share his or her concerns with you.
- Talk about what you have in common and how you can help each other.
Selection from my book, Navigating Life: Commonsense Refle tions for the Voyage, available at Amazon